Thankful

Thankful that I can breathe

Thankful that I have a little boy

Thankful that I live in a place where without benefits I can take care of mine and my family's needs

Thankful that God is a good that never gives up

Thankful that Jesus says, "I did not come to invite good people but to invite sinners." Mark 2:17

I can't seem to find a rhythm. My boy isn't sleeping or eating like he used too. He's a tired little man and Momma is SO tired too. Each emotion is extreme and logic and rational thoughts seem so out of reach. Postpartum seems alive and real for me right now. I read that verse this weekend and it just resounded in my ear over and over and over. I am desperate to be good. I know I don't need to be, I know that no one is asking me to be, yet I seem desperate. This verse made me sigh and relax and realize that while I am striving for who knows what, God is simply just inviting me--imperfections and all. Instead of trying to be good (aka the person I picture in my head of who I want to be) I need to just be grateful to be invited. Over the last 48 hours about 30 minutes I have been able to do that.

Max is darling, cute, adorable and has such a strength about him. Max also seems to have a magnetic personality--all of momma's imperfections seem to be shooting right out as if a magnet is pulling them to the surface.

Relaxing.

Enjoying the journey.

Choosing.

Breathing.

I will own the frustration and sadness and move forward today to the next feeding and the next nap whether he sleeps or not.