"Expect the Unexpected. And Deal with It."

Graham Henry (All Black coach of the World Champ team) said this over and over to his team the years heading to the World Cup title. I loved his book. It inspired me, connected to me and challenged me. This last few weeks I have tried to live this quote. I mostly failed miserably after blowing up over insignificant things and crying too many times to count to friends in America. But I'm repeating it. Sometimes after the melt down but at least I'm recalling the way I'm hoping to live.

I'm emotional. I feel at levels that I don't even think are human some days. Yet I am very selective at who sees the raw, unfiltered Dana. It's my dysfunctional gift I give to my closest friends. Your welcome. Some days life in a different culture is teaching me so much. From my limited vantage point emotion & expressing emotions isn't a high value. That's about as opposite as you can get to me. I had a friend tell me horribly sad news that would have crushed me but she responded with "Never mind. It will be alright. I knew it was a possibility." Here in lies the massive chasm I feel some days. You see earlier that week I was in tears over a miscommunication. Tears. Full fledge heart ache. So not on the same level as my friend's great loss. I realise pain is pain, mine seemed so inconsequential though. It leaves me feeling so at a loss at relationships down here sometimes. I cry when Sam & I are disconnected, when I'm lonely, when I'm scared. All hard things in their own right yet not typically tear worthy here as a norm. Expected the unexpected and deal with it. It's what I'm learning to do even in friendships.

It's good for me to learn to deal with things and move forward and not dwell. I'm learning the beauty that life holds when you do life in that manner. Yet I still need a good cry with a friend from America that knows me at deep levels and better than I know myself. This week I chatted/emailed to a few of my closest friends. They know me. They make me feel known. They are gifts to me. They can listen to me cry about life and weather and relationships while I sit on a park bench holding my Starbucks looking like a crazy mom and know I'm going to be okay. Know that I will rally. Know what to say. Know that in my funk I still will find the stupid silver lining and not judge me that I'm still searching for that silver lining after 4 years. They make me laugh with memories and feel refreshed with humour that comes from 20 years of history. They get me. They helped me when the unexpected crash landed and then they helped me deal with it.

Expected the unexpected and deal with it. I did accomplish that this week a couple times. Once through tears in my pantry. Once at the Botanical Gardens. And once today at the hair salon. I needed a change. A happy pick me up. A bounce to my step that's lacking. Lucky for me my hair stylist is incredible. She heard my heart...seriously they should get counselling degrees with their hair license! She listened and she did her magic.

Change is good. When life stinks for me I crave change. I'm flight in fight vs flight mode. Every time flight. The closer I seem to get to Antarctica the harder it seems to be to flight. So today I decided that "flighting" equaled hair change. It felt good. It's how I deal with life. The unexpected came too much this week so I dealt with it in my crazy way. I like my crazy. I'm learning to embrace my crazy. It works for me. It doesn't look like dealing with it the way I see others around me do it, but it's my way. Plus eating mass amounts of chocolate always helps too. Crazy is good. Change is good. It's not for everyone but I'm learning it is for me. And I'm okay with that.