Not Weird Just Different

When you spend time in another culture there are so many different things or things done in different ways. This weekend I had to laugh at one of the funniest difference I have ever seen. We spent Friday night at the Gala...it was so fun for me and Sam endured it because he loves me so much :) Like any good kid/family event they had junk food, games,fireworks, hot chocolate and a chance for kids to get candy...but this was not simple "break the pinata" style candy gathering like in the states. It was like a pinata on steroids...I kid you not!

All of a sudden a helicopter was flying over the field where the carnival was and kids started running...then out of the sky started falling hundreds of pieces of candy. It was a swarm of children (And adults! Including my mother in law!!) racing around trying not to get hit on the head, yet getting as many pieces of candy as they could. I was laughing so hard at the scene I didn't get one piece of candy. Sam was covering my head so I wouldn't get hit but could see the chaos all around me. It was probably the craziest thing I had ever seen, but it's not weird just different. That is a phrase I always remind myself in new cultures. It's so easy to make fun of something or say a slight dig by saying "that is SO weird" but it tends to set people on the defensive. I have been quickly reminded of that, being thrust back into a semi new culture. Some stories, though, are just SO worth describing the "different." I mean, really, candy from a helicopter?!?!?! Who would have thought.

There are other differences that are a bit harder for me at times. I am kind of crazy about what I eat and how I eat. I have learned to hide it well so no one makes a big deal about it, plus I have grown so much in that area over the past few years. One thing I wasn't ready for was that area being so exposed right when we got here. My in laws are SO wonderful and like every good mom, my mother in law loves to show her love through food...well with a weird food daughter in law that doesn't always work out. Sam is great at making sure I feel safe and not pressured, but after trying to figure out why I was feeling so crazy inside I think I just realized that for me food/weight is such a bigger deeper issue for me. I spent much of the last years of my life understanding what healthy is and facing some big food related issues. To sit down at a meal, especially in a season where everything feels a bit new and out of my control, can be very scary. I know I am crazy and I know I have tons to still walk through and conquer, but I wasn't ready to be "exposed" so to speak in this area. It made me miss my mom tons on Saturday night. She has got so used to how I eat and how I will find something and make it work, and she just settled into the fact that I might have something different on my plate, but she won't make a big deal about it and better yet she will show me love another way. My poor mother in law is still getting used to that. We sat down Saturday night to get dinner, and even though Sam told her not to make a big deal, her loving mother heart said "I hate not mothering you and taking care of you with food. Does you mom feel like that?" I smiled and said, "Well, my mom is used to my craziness."

It's funny when you are thrust into a new culture you don't want to feel too different or weird, yet there is that real part of me that is SO okay with that. I love being out in town and talking different with my American accent than everyone else. I love watching someone notice I am "not from around here." I even loved that when my mother in law and sister in law and I were in town on Saturday that everyone time my mother in law introduced me she had a huge smile on her face and made sure to tell everyone I was her new daughter in law...the proceeded to ask them "isn't she so beautiful." I just smiled and laughed. I guess when things are new you see your insecurities, at least I do.

As Sam and I went to the Mount to get a coffee and walk around the Mount yesterday I felt myself getting nervous to bump into people. Which for me is VERY ODD. I live for the "I ran into so and so" moment. One of the worst parts of moving to a new place is that you don't bump into people you know in town. So the fact that I had lived so long in NZ and had made some great relationships meant that I just might bump into people. There has been some turmoil in NZ that has caused me some insecurity and really just left me not sure how life was going to be with certain friend groups. Of course, each time we have gone out, including the Gala, we have seen people we know. I have done better than I thought, and not been as awkward as I guessed I would be.

Even for me, this experience back to New Zealand is not weird that there is so much difference in who I am now and what might lie ahead, its just different. I keep reminding myself that. And you know what? I actually like it. I like the slow pace of just being with Sam and our family. I like that I catch up with people if I can and if I want to. I like the freedom that seems to be different for me here. I am a slower person in New Zealand. To the average Kiwi I am probably still a bit "fast paced," but it really is a slower Dana. A Dana that can take life as it comes.

The transition is just that a transition. I will learn to live and even eat in a new culture. I will be sad that I can't pick up the phone and call anyone I want, but I will embrace this new season and all it has. As I ate breakfast this morning I was telling Sam, there are scary things here, and things that overwhelm me and even make me feel trapped, but I am okay. I am settling in and am able to recognize that while there are feelings of being trapped or overwhelmed, that is all they are simply feelings. Not weird, just different.