A Few Firsts

Start. Stop. Shake. Start. Stop. Shake. Laugh. Start. Stop. Shake. Laugh some more.

What is that you ask? Sam teaching me to drive a stick shift in NZ on the other side of the car. Oh my gosh is all I can say. There was much laughter, a little frustration and lots of feeling stupid. We are SO thankful that we have a car, but I can't really drive it and it's a boy racer car. What is a boy racer car you ask? Well here in NZ, it is the car the fast driving, a little "bad boy," guys drive. Sam said that I should equate it to the racing they do in the Fast and the Furious.....all I know is that I definitely don't fit the stereo type when people see me driving this car.

I can tend to feel a little trapped not being able to drive when and where I want. I haven't really gone there too much in my head and just accepted this season of life as it is. And Sam's mom lets me borrow the car all the time if she is home. She has an automatic and has been so generous. I secretly don't want to learn how to drive the car, but I know it would make me feel better. I just don't want to go through the hard work of it. Isn't that how it is sometimes? I know it will help me feel more empowered and safe. I know it is a smart thing to learn. I just don't want to feel so stupid as I learn to drive it. I already have that "I'm so foreign and feel dumb" feeling so often here. But today Sam finally convinced me to try. When he asked everything in me wanted to say no, but I did it.

Now remember Sam used to be a race car driver and drove stick shifts in rally car races (car races that were on main winding roads), so to him this is second nature. He is amazing at maneuvering the car on a dime....me on the other hand is the polar opposite. Like much of our relationship we are night and day in this area!

I got the shifting of gears, for the most part, but for the life of me I could not get starting and stopping, which is quite an important part of driving. Finally at a busy, main road we had to stop and Sam had to jump back in the driver's seat and get us home. He asked if I wanted more practice once we were on the road that is a bit less busy by our house, but at that point I decided my lesson for the day was over.

Instead, I went for my first jog in about a year with Sam and his brother riding their bikes next to me. It felt nice to get back into it, but OH MY GOODNESS I am OUT OF SHAPE! I decided to be smart and not over do it thinking that I am in the shape I was last time I lived in NZ. I thought that a run up to the Quarry and back would be fine. It is a pretty steep hill up there, but I figured it wasn't that long of a trek so I would be fine. Well, I was dying!!! I could barely breathe, my throat hurt, I was shuffling along like I was 80....but I made it to the spot I wanted to and back home. I laughed at the fact that it was maybe a half mile...maybe. I used to be able to run 2 or 3 miles without blinking an eye. Not any more. There will be much much much blinking of eyes before I can see 3 miles again.

Today was a day of firsts again. First time really learning to drive a stick. First time driving a stick on the opposite side of the car and the road. First run of the summer. Today begins the official start to Summer here and for me the beginning of wanting to decorate for Christmas. So many first this year and they seem to keep coming!

I will keep you updated on the driving....I am not sure that I will be doing solo drives anytime soon, but we will see. I am a pretty stubborn thing and when I want to conquer something I usually do. Sam was laughing so hard at one point and said, "It will just take time honey." And I was quick to respond in my youngest child voice, "No it won't! I will have this down fast." Will see how this goes....my pride might motivate me far faster than he thinks :)

Queenstown Wedding

I hope your Thanksgiving weekend was WONDERFUL!!! I thought of America so much this last week and loved checking Facebook every chance I got to see how the Holiday Traditions were going. Some of you already have your trees up!!! I am very impressed!!!

What a week! There are no words to begin to describe the array of emotions I felt this last week....but of course I will try :)

We will start with the view from our hotel room...how's that for the start of our time in Queenstown? Sam found us the GREATEST hotel with the most AMAZING view ever! And it doesn't get dark there until about 10pm!!! That was our view until we fell asleep. (When I say "we" we all know I mean me because 10pm is well past when I start falling asleep watching TV or a movie)



It was such an incredible time for Sam and I. I feel overwhelmed with thanks as I sit down to share with you. I was quite nervous going into this wedding and this week. I am not sure if it was being away from America on Thanksgiving or the fact that this was the first wedding I had been to since my own. I was full of emotion as we headed down there. In typical Dana and Sam fashion there was much drama and adventure even getting to Queenstown. We had to go to the airport to pick up something that was held in customs a day before we were supposed to leave, we almost missed our plane because the traffic was so bad in Auckland and I had a melt down right before we left...but like we always do...we made it. I looked at Sam once we were sitting on the plane and said, "how do we do it? we always make it when all the odds seem to be against us." This was no different.

I was reminded though that sometimes the sweetest things in life come after the hardest trials. I don't why that is but in my life some of the best moments have come after I have walked through this very very scary wall of fear or chaos or pain. In a small way I experienced that this week. Queenstown was absolutely BEAUTIFUL as you can see from the picture. It was exactly what Sam and I needed. It was fun to get away, but more than that it was fun to work together, serving people and capturing moments that were priceless.

I have been in 15 weddings over the years and know how much work goes into a wedding. In fact, when I saw the bridesmaids working so hard I just had to sit back and smile. It brought back so many fun memories of the weddings I have got to be a part of over the years watching the girls work all weekend long. I even took a picture. Oh how many many many times was this my job at a wedding...



Little did I know, though, just how shattered we would be at the end of our work day! We worked like crazy! We worked a full 12 hours the day of the wedding and by the end we were crawling into bed. It was amazing to see Sam in action at the wedding, but even more special was to see us interact together. We work like a team and love working together to capture what we both sense and see in our hearts and eyes. There was a synergy about us. So much so that all day long we received compliments about how great we worked together, what an amazing team we were, and how it just appears to be that we were made for each other. It was quite sweet the first time someone mentioned it, but as the day wore on I just smiled with delight. It was how it felt for both of us, but I guess you just don't think that anyone will notice.

There have been 4 or 5 times in my life where I have felt like "I was created to do that." Doing this wedding with Sam was one of those moments. Ironically that was very unexpected for me. I know I love being with Sam and loved the thought of creating something with him and building a business of service together, but in my wildest dreams I didn't expect God to give me the gift he did. There is a part of my soul that comes alive when I get to communicate. The mix of communicating some one's love story with my husband had a surreal like quality to it. I was so nervous about how we would do together, so nervous that I would even be a help to him that day and just felt so unsure of myself. But in the end I had the privilege of capturing the most positive moment of love and won the trust of a couple and a wedding party for the day and then quickly maneuvered them from one photo shoot to another (we went to 5 different locations the day of the wedding!) If you are familiar with Strengthfinder, I used all 5 of my strengths all day long. Who knew? God did. It was one of those moments where I secretly and quietly said to the Lord, "Thank you. Thank you for knowing me better than I know myself."

The whole experience was a gift from God for me. It made me reflect on love and life and what He is doing in our life. It helped me trust Him more and in God like fashion, He had more in store than I realized. Sam and I have something special and I think that since the moment we met before heading to Fiji for 10 days, there has been an indescribable spark and connection of friendship that quickly turned to love, sacrifice and commitment. We both saw it so clearly this week. We have a love and strength to our relationship and I felt God smiling down on us this week. It was as if He was giving us a little gift to continue persevering through this season of life. We have something that you can't manufacture, you can't perfectly plan and you can't spend heaps of money on. As we sat by the lake the day after the wedding, eating dinner and recovering I think I realized that part of what I experienced this week and in this "job" was God. We both took a big risk this week and both fully embraced who we were. We forgot about our insecurities and moved our fear over to create something special and unique for another human heart. There was something so spiritual that happened in my soul. I told Sam that I saw God in the most unexpected of places yesterday....our work. Sounds funny because I know God is always with us and we minister out of who He is and who He created us to be, but for me I had the same feeling I had when I was doing something that looked so stereo-typically "ministry." When I was in South Africa, when I was mentoring college girls, when I was in an orphanage. I think this last year God has been doing something so beyond me that I am just starting to fully understand it and live in it. While my life this year has looked nothing like it has in the last 10 or so years, my heart for God, people and serving both people and God has increased. Isn't that what it's about? Isn't that what I taught for so many years? Isn't that what we over and over went through in countless mentoring sessions with people? It was. But I think God wanted me to have a front row seat to his heart, to His love and to His service of humanity. He is at work all around me and while my job doesn't always look like it has, His heart never changes. That heart is in me and now it is in my marriage. To see the fullness of God and who He is in spite of Sam and I and because of Sam and I being made in His image was nothing short than supernatural for me.

While I was having this spiritual experience life continued to swirl around us...like it does, doesn't it? The day was such a snapshot of life for me. So much can coexist at once. God can be talking, people can be enjoying a moment of a life time, tears can be flowing, jobs can be happening and life never ceases to stop. This day and experience was no different.

There were definitely some challenges to the day, which made me love it even more...I slipped and fell once, got two cuts in one of the outside photo shoots, and was such a mess from the wind and the rain that when I walked into our last spot to take pictures a lady looked at me and smiled, saying, "Well, don't you look quite disheveled dear." I smiled, of course, and immediately asked Sam how bad I really looked! It made me laugh, but I just didn't care because we were having so much fun. The pictures turned out unbelievable and the bride and groom had the wedding of their dreams. She had every element you can dream of in her day. And she looked picture perfect even as we were leaving the wedding 12 hours after we had first laid eyes on her that morning.

And I left the wedding and Queenstown different. My hope was restored. My heart was refreshed. My love was rekindled. I was so thankful for the wedding we made memories for, but oh so much more thankful for the experience we had on June 8th. God knows what each heart needs and to look back on how perfectly "us" our wedding was in June was a pleasantly accepted gift from God this week. I love my husband and the gift that God has given us. Neither of us take lightly the gift of connection and friendship and chemistry He offered us. We cherish what we have been given and work towards seeing the fullness He has to off for us and our life. I might always be quite smiley and chatty and outgoing and Sam might always love his alone time and quietness and not being with groups of people, but that's what makes us "us."




Now off to post production! Sam will be lost in editing and I will be working on my visa, so that I can legally stay in this county longer than 3 months :) Until next time!

You Know It's Officially the Holiday Season When....

The only thing you want to wear is dresses & stretch pants....nicely called in NZ "tights."
Don't they sound so much better calked tights? Doesn't make you feel like you are actually eating your way through the Holidays :)

Well Happy Thanksgiving from Sam & I one more time. We are currently sitting in a beautiful hotel room looking at a GORGEOUS view & snacking on pretzels, almonds & diet coke. We just finished the rehearsal for the wedding. It was so nice to be the photographers-- the bridesmaids looked quite frazled. :)

I can't post pictures while we are down in Queenstown, but will as soon as we get back. We have had a great time so far & are very excited to do the wedding tomorrow. As we sat there planning our strategy to capture all their "once in a lifetime moments," I was just so thankful. I have always surrendered my life & heart to God & allowed Him to lead me to new places & adventures. About ten years ago I stopped stressing out about hearing God's voice perfectly & enjoyed the freedom in loving God & choosing things in life & trusting His guidance. It's absolutely amazing the things I've seen & done in this life. "Some how" I have lived this amazing diverse life. I have seen many countries, done crazy jobs (ie fixed ATM machines...shout out First Line) & made friends all over the world.

Yesterday when Sam & I were taking the bus into town I was tellng him about taking the bus in Ukraine. He asked me if we would have to go back there one day? :) I hope so! But it made me start reflecting on how much I've seen...as I ride a bus in New Zealand with my new husband! Life hasn't always been easy. All those travels & moves have given me incredible experience & many relationships. Sometimes though, the incredible experience has been because of hard situation that turned out later to be a great story. And all those relationships have made for some hard conflict & character growing. But what a cool journey.

Life is full of little risks we take everyday. Risks to love people, financial risks, strategic risks, risk of facing pasts & dreaming about new futures. It was a risk for me to come to NZ. A risk to go to Fiji. A definite risk to be friends with Sam. But today I loved watching us work as a team. I loved watching us figure out how to capture a couple's once in a lifetime moment. One day we will do humanitarian projects again, but life is about people & learning the human heart. To capture human hearts at their most alive moment so full of love is a privelege. It
teaches us about love. It reminds us of the power of relationships & commitments. It inspires us to hope.

All those weddings I was in was for a reason & all these jobs we are getting to do will be for a reason we can't see right now, but what a treat to be able to capture love at one of it's finest moments.

So while "tights" is all I want to wear & I hang out in a hotel room while Sam hangs out with his guys tonight I am FULL of thanks & joy.

Have a very Thankful & Fun Thanksgiving!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!!

My brother in law, James said, "This is my first Thanksgiving ever." And what a fun one it was!! We started out making the pies once my mother in law had the Turkey all ready for the BBQ. It was quite fun to make this pie, with a little drama mixed in. I got the recipe off the food network--it was a Carmel Apple Pie. It looked SOOOO yummy! And after a little mishap with making the carmel mixture it turned out SO YUM!!! Sam even had some and went back for seconds!



Isn't my mother in law SO cute?!?!? She had never made an apple pie so she wasn't sure how to check it was done. She makes me smile!




The turkey was quite fun and easy to do, as well. We put it on the BBQ and basted it every half hour or so (which was quite fun for Rosie and I) and it turned out looking and smelling SO wonderful!!









I was quite proud of my mother in law's turkey! It looked like something out of a magazine!!








My brother in law's carved the turkey...well James was trying, but then Tom took over :)





Rosie and I decorated the table with fun name cards, flowers and of course...pumpkins! My mother in law laughed when I came home with so many pumpkins purely for decorating, but I told her at least we will eat these all this week. She might die if she saw how we decorate with them and only eat the seeds in America...shhhh I won't tell her :)











And we even had a spot for Gracie who was down at school still :(



Sam looking ever so happy to have a house full of people :) He was such a trooper and was so happy to watch me fully enjoy the day and make new memories. I loved when I caught him smiling at me (almost having fun...hehehehe)



Sam even caught a picture of Nana and I by the dessert table.



My family fully embraced me and my craziness...notice the quotes on the glasses? The glasses were mainly so I could put quotes on them like I saw in a magazine, but my brother in law James thought we should have a little champagne since we did that :)



I even made my family play Thanksgiving trivia at the table :) Even Sam played along...kind of :)

Some classic Thanksgiving pictures....



As you can tell they were enjoying their food very much! James told me it was an A+ Thanksgiving...his favorite was the turkey wing and the apple pie...which made me smile...those were my grandad's favorite's too.



The pies were a hit and Nana said this was the best hot meal she had in ages! I felt quit happy and even a bit proud (and I will admit was even feeling a bit confident in this new family of mine...) I decided to say, "Nana see it went okay everyone liked it, I didn't need to have that thick of skin." Well of course I spoke just a few seconds too soon. Since we were eating the desserts...which she loved and had 2 helpings of she said, "I did love it and I see why all American's are so fat." All I could do was laugh. But then felt a bit quick witted when I said, "well you enjoyed your yummy meal because of us fat Americans." She giggled and my mother in law was quick to remind her that NZ was the 3rd fattest nation in the world...with England (her home country) being first. We all had a good laugh. What's Thanksgiving without a little funny grandparent humor.







It was a great day full of new memories and new traditions, mixed in with old memories and traditions for me. While I missed my family and friends a lot I loved that my new family fully embraced me and jumped right in without skipping a beat. The only thing was...they didn't overeat. Thanksgiving novices...rookie mistake. Next year maybe they will enjoy that part of American Thanksgiving :) And now we have a fun new holiday that we can share together. It will always have to be the Saturday before Thanksgiving, but it will be our special day! I told Sam that I was SO thankful that he married me and brought me into this family. What a fun thing to see two families, two cultures and two lives merge together so beautifully.

Sam and I feel so thankful for all that we have. We have loving, supportive families, friends who are faithful and amazing, and experiences over a year that feel like a lifetime already. While there have been some hard moments here the last month, one very cool blessing that has come out of it is the confidence and security I have in Sam and our marriage. I would love the heartache and drama to be done with it, and I can say with a firm assurity I NEVER want to walk through this again, BUT I am glad that it has been a part of our story (I kind of hate admitting it but it's true) What it has produced is a deeper friendship, commitment and love for Sam and I. An assurance and confidence that Sam is exactly who God knew would be a great compliment to me and a love and respect for each other that runs so deep. While the last year has been a bit crazy and our arrival in NZ had mixed emotions, I am so confident and so thankful that God choose to express his love for me through giving Sam to me.

Happy Thanksgiving from Sam and I!!!

Thanksgiving Preparations

After a SUPER fun Friday of getting my hair colored at my old place here in NZ (Can't got to the wedding with gray hair :), then going to Jame's athletic day at his school...




And a fun trip shopping for last minute Thanksgiving food with Rosie, we were ready to start the cooking!

The first task was making the pumpkin pie last night. Since I live in NZ now, there was DEFINITELY NO canned pumpkin, so we did what any good Kiwi would do--used a real pumpkin. I have NEVER made pumpkin pie from scratch, but it was so fun! And the batter tasted so yum! Here is Rosie cutting the pumpkin to puree it for the pie.



The pie's going in!


I also was VERY proud to teach my sister in law how to make pumpkin seeds! They have NEVER done that!! I also loved teasing my mother in law that they let a part of the pumpkin go to waste. To which she was quick to tell me that they don't really because they give the seeds to the chickens :) Rosie and I had so much fun doing it, but HATED cleaning the seeds...





Our finished products!!!


Sam and I woke up early Saturday morning and had a meeting with the couple from the wedding we are doing next week. It was so fun to meet them (it is one of Sam's best friends in the world) and SO fun to work with my husband. We make a great team and LOVE being together in this new adventure! I was SO proud of him and so proud to be married to him.

We then went to my crazy migraine lady I used to go to here in NZ. I had a HORRIFIC migraine and some weird back pain and felt really sick. She got me all sorted and Sam got to see how cool she is and how uninvasive the process is, yet works like a charm. So now I am all set for Thanksgiving!!!

My mother law had made the stuffing and the basting before I returned so we watched her finish that and then began the rest of the cooking. We have made an apple pie that I found on the food network and will be putting the turkey on shortly (we are trying to BBQ it) I wanted to post a few pictures though so you can be a part of my day :) Oh and mom I am wearing your new dress you got me at Khols...you might not be here but it makes it feel like you and dad are here!



Talk to you soon!!!

Just What I Needed

I was having a bit of a quiet and sad day yesterday, for no in particular reason just one of those days. I had spent some time writing letters and hanging out with Tom (my brother in law) and my mother in law, and then went into town to meet a friend for coffee and meet with a lady for our business. It was just an average day...

I came in the house later that night and was starting to cook dinner for Sam and I. My mother in law was telling me all the things she had bought for our Thanksgiving dinner. Thanksgiving has turned into a lot of fun for everyone. Tom is calling it Pre Christmas, to which I always remind him...it's Thanksgiving :)

And Sam even caught his parents looking up "Thanksgiving" on wikipedia because I told the family I will be making them play "Thanksgiving Trivia." Reality is though, that I didn't know half the answers to these trivia questions I found on line. I giggled when Sam told me they were looking up Thanksgiving. I love that my in laws have fully embraced me and my craziness.

After my mother in law had told me all the food she had bought she slipped in, "and I bought you a dress." I didn't quite catch it at first. She said it like she was telling me she had just done the dishes. I asked her what she had bought and she smiled and said, "Rosie and I saw a dress that looked like you that we thought you might like." I was so happy I almost started crying. I needed that little gesture. It made me feel so loved and so special, that while she was out she saw it and bought it for me. My mom does things like that, but it's "your mom" and that's what moms do. To have them see something and get it for me just meant so much. Then when they showed me the dress I felt even more known! It was so cute and like something I would pick out. Again, my mom had picked up these cute sun dresses that I loved, but my mom knows me and knows what I like, so to have a new mother in law do it was just sweet, thoughtful and made me feel very loved. And on top of it she thought the dress would be too big but bought it anyway because she could just stitch it up to fit me. :) I have married into a family that sews and makes the cutest clothes...lucky me :)

I am a pretty lucky girl and have the best in laws in the world! Sam and I feel so fortunate to have two sets of such loving and supportive parents!

Here is the dress....
(And the house in the back is the main house)




I have been amazed over and over here how God has faithfully done more than just the "big stuff" for me and us. It is in these little gestures that I see God's goodness and God's gracious care. It has been such a journey to get here and another journey just being here, but what an amazing story of not only God's love and provision, the love a such loving husband (and his family), but also a reminder in that God is so in love with us and loves to do little things just to make us smile.

A Little Goes Along Way

Today I sipped a cup of tea with a good friend. She invited me around a few weeks ago, and I simply forgot how a good chat with a girl friend can sometimes go along way. We laughed and reminisced about my life here a year ago. She smiled with joy as she talked about me getting married. She cried with me as I shared some of my journey with her and she just let me process my transition. I forget how a small cup of tea, a short amount of time and a little vanilla bean noel can give you hope and help you smile again.



I absolutely LOVE when it is time to break out the Vanilla Bean Noel lotion. I look forward to it all year! It is crazy how a small, soft scent can send you into an entirely delightful mood, full of memories and good times of the Holidays. Typically I don't let myself break it out until the day after Thanksgiving, but since Thanksgiving is a bit different this year, and I needed an extra smile in my week I thought it was fitting to start the "Holiday Festivities" aka Bath & Body lotion that signify the beginning of The Holiday Season for me.

Thank you for your prayers and emails as I transition in life here. Sam has been so wonderful and has been working so hard for us, and yet still finds time to shower me with love and make me feel cherished. We leave for the wedding next Wednesday, but more importantly this week...I am planning our FUN family Thanksgiving!!! I looked up a ton of recipes and table decorations on line yesterday. Hehehehe, even found a fun Thanksgiving Trivia Game--that my family might just be playing come Saturday!

Until next time!!!

Weathered Lawn Chairs

Last night was another long night once again. I am not sure exactly what it is, but to process life in the middle of the night has become a weekly thing. I woke up last night and tried my hardest to pretend like I wasn't awake. Try as I might, I was completely unsuccessful. Sundays used to be my favorite day of the week and lately they have become the day I seem to dread. There are many complicated and layered reasons, but part of it is facing the pain each week of what we walked into.

This time around the blog is raw and honest and really a place for you to see God be glorified and good. I will admit that this will happen simply because God is good and He is worthy to be glorified. I don't quite understand the process the last few months have seemed to have me in, but I know this that God is with me. I can recall all those verses I memorized as a kid and all those quiet moments that God and I have seemed to have over the years. He is called Immanuel--God With Us. Simple and true. I can look at my circumstances and I can freak out about the pain in my life, but at the end of the day it is still true. There are many details left unsaid, and I am well aware of that as I process about life here. The reality is that pain and hurt is something we all face and while what I am currently trying to process is my own, I am convinced that if you stick with these writings on the journey you will see God along the way. I won't always be poetic or "godly," but I will be honest. And in His children lies His heart and His spirit.

As I cried and thought about how to move forward as I let go of certain things here in NZ, I was reminded of my Mother in Law's beautiful beach chairs that sit outside our little house.

Most mornings it is the place Sam and I eat breakfast and connect before our day begins. They are a bit weathered, but not on purpose. They are peeling a bit, but again not on purpose. She received these fun chairs for her birthday and shortly thereafter they began to bubble and peel. Within a few weeks a call came from the company that produced them, saying that the chairs were being recalled because the undercoat was not put on which will cause peeling and cracking. They also informed her that she needn't send the chairs back, they would just give her a full refund and she can keep the chairs. Pretty cool.

When I first saw the chairs I thought they were gorgeous. I assumed they were supposed to be "weathered/beachy" type chairs. They still work fine and we love sitting in them each day, but they don't look like they were "supposed to" look like. While processing life last night I was listening to a Rita Springer song in which she sang, "all the pain is going to be worth it." I just believe that. It isn't really even a choice, I just know that God has always used pain in people's life to minister to others and at the same time to minister His love and grace and mercy to your own heart. While I wanted the perfect looking uncracked beach chair sort of life and heart, I think that God saw beauty and purpose in the weathered cool looking beach chair heart and life for me. While the manufacture made a mistake with those chairs, weather and ware and tare has turned them into a unique summer accessory. If life can happen like that and something bad can turn into something wonderful, why would I believe a God, who is for me and loves me, would be any different? He actually is in the "business" of taking impossible things and situations and turning them to miracles and hope. I never get tired of watching Him do that very thing.

Some of this process is just normal transition, with a little added hurt and heart ache. In actuality, I just can't see His plan in this current moment. I don't know why I feel the way I do. I am not sure why certain questions and thoughts can turn my dry eyes wet. And while I am working on not allowing my emotions to control me and remembering truths of God I am still in process. I don't have it all figured it out and I am not as "far down the road" as I would hope to be. But there is that four letter little word....hope. It's a word full of so much promise, danger, fear, risk, and excitement. In just 4 little letters is this incredible invitation to hope for something more, to hope that the pain will not just cease but that I will see God in a new way, that purpose will be not only offered but found. It's risky, that's for sure. Disappointment looms and lurks around, but hope never fails. It can quite often feel like it is failing while you wait for a time in life to end or begin, or you wait for pain to end, or while you wait for fear to subside, but in the end the journey of hope is what leads me straight to the heart of God. Even when I try to not hope, it's sneaky little self creeps into my heart. I think God wired His humanity to hope, and at the same time life can batter and beat our space to hope that exists in our hearts and minds. I don't quite get it, but I know that I won't waste this time and I won't stop hoping. I might (and have already) take a time out and just cry and rest along the way, but even in that I think, for myself, it is still an attribute of hoping....hoping that God is listening, hoping that He cares and hoping that He will continue to lead me into the life He has for me.

As hard as some moments have been, they have coexisted with INCREDIBLE joy. I hope that you can see that in these writings. I think that the coexistence of emotion and life circumstances is something that God is gently ingraining into my character and heart. This season is orchestrated for me by a loving God. I might not always like it or always get it, but I do want what He has for me....because...He is always good.

Family Pictures

As we were eating breakfast in our pj's yesterday morning, Nana and Sam's mom and sister wandered out by the pool with us and we were just sitting around enjoying the warm morning. We started to talk about when we would get to see Gracie. She is down at school and I haven't got to meet her yet. Looks like it won't be until January when she is coming up here again.

Two seconds later a car pulled up and I saw Tom (& I have to admit I wondered what the heck he was doing up so early...) and in walks Gracie into the backyard!!!! She had a friend's birthday up here, so her and some friends drove up late Friday night and she surprised us on Saturday morning and spent the day with us. It was so fun and made me smile from ear to ear! I think my mother in law was in Mom Heaven. Every kid was home and Nana (her mom) was here too! Sam joked it was her early Christmas. We had a big breakfast and just hung out all day. I love having little sisters and brothers. I have SO loved spending time with Rosie. She is my new movie buddy and just "do everything" together friend. We watched a movie in our house last Friday night and we have instituted Sunday nights as popcorn/family night. So meeting Grace was such an extra treat! James makes me laugh all the time and I think that he and my mom would get on great together (most every night James has a bowl of ice cream:) And I love being around Tom again. We have a fun family and while I just slipped in, I think it's going quite well.

Even though I am far away and have teary moments of missing home and america and friends, I really do have a great family here. It's different and some days I am still sad as I transition but I think God and Sam are taking care of me quite nicely. Here are some great family pictures:


Sam's Dad, Tom, Gracie, Mom, Sam and me, Rosie & James


Gracie took this one so Nana could be in it...though Nana was mad she wasn't smiling, but she is Sam's favorite person in the world so she needed to be on the blog.


All the kids...everyone else complained about taking this picture, but I LOVED it. Tom said, "mom we did this a year ago" to which I replied, yes but I wasn't here yet :) They also teased me at how I looked the happiest in the picture...I guess I am the happiest this year. Pretty lucky what I just fell into...though I think God knew exactly what he was doing.

I love my new family, miss my family terribly and think that's just normal and a part of life. I am so lucky to have 2 loving families.

The Thanksgiving in NZ preparations begin this week! I will keep you updated....We are doing it Saturday, since Sam and I will be out of town. I am bit a nervous, but Nana put me at ease after she said me and Rosie wrecked something earlier in the day, saying, "Well, Dana, it's a good thing you aren't too sensitive or you would run out crying because we are all so opinionated." Little does Nana know I am a bit sensitive and quite nervous here....but have the BEST HUSBAND in the world who takes great care of me!

Bee Stings--YUCK!!!

So the other day I was sitting out by the pool while Sam worked on some business stuff. I had a rough Sunday and Monday so was taking a few moments to process life. Some of it is looking for a new church and dealing with the stuff in my own heart with some people here in NZ. I was finally able to get quiet and really just talk to God and process some of the things in my heart and mind. Some of that came at 3 in the morning and lasted until the alarm went off at 7:15 the night before! I think in the midst of all the change and transition the last couple of months my heart has just survived. When I am awake and going about my day my logical side kicks in knowing this whole journey is an adventure: the good, the bad and the ugly of it all. But at night, when my senses are down and I am truly quiet, my heart begins to feel what I haven't allowed it to. Sometimes that is a good thing. This week I think it was. I wasn't stressed or upset, I was just grieving. I am not exactly sure what I was grieving but an hour or so into being awake and feeling such a heaviness in my heart I realized the emotion was grief. I finally surrendered to the pain and allowed God to meet me in it. He was there the whole time and is with me now. It wasn't fun, necessarily, but it was good and healthy for me and quite special. There was much I need to grieve after Sunday morning, but much I didn't want to admit to needing to grieve. It's going to be different than I thought it would look like when we first decided to move back. But it's just that Different, not Bad.

While I sat there processing all this with God I actually saw how good God was and how choosing to trust Him and that He works everything together for His good brought peace and freedom to me. Ironically as I wrote that prayer to God telling Him that I trust him a bee started buzzing around me. They are everywhere here, along with plenty of wasps as well! I stayed still, but then I felt this awful pain in my arm. YEP! I had been stung!! I called for Sam and as he came out I was pulling out the stinger out of reaction. (evidently you are supposed to flick it out, but I had no idea and it just hurt!) Sam put ice on it right away and it felt better. I showed my mother in law later and she thought it was fine, but then the next morning it turned out not so fine...it was very red and very big and VERY VERY itchy. I guess it is supposed to itch but man it stunk!!

So now it is still red and still itchy, but I have started taking something his mom gave me and putting cream on it. His mom was a little concerned it got worse, and Sam was ready to use free health care now that we are back :) But I think we might wait a bit and see how it turns out. For now....here is what it looks like.



It doesn't look nearly as big as it really is...but trust me it is big and red and ITCHY!!!

A Walk Up The Quarry

We live on Quarry Rd....which I came to find out has a beautiful walk at the end of the road--the Quarry. It isn't just a street name but a walk with so many cool things to look at, a little bit of hiking, beautiful flowers, and a great view at the top. Sam and I headed up there on Friday to get some time out doors and together. Sam said I should wear running shoes...I thought it was a little path type walk, but I did it anyway....cute, I know!


Here is the view on the way there!


And we are off...





Lakey check these frogs out!







Look I made friends! hehehehe

View from the top...can you see the Mount?


It was such a surreal and sobering moment as we got to the top and I could see the Mount. A year and a half ago I had so many talks with God, processing times, healing times and special times going up the Mount...even talking to God about what my dreams were and where I was heading next. 13 months after leaving New Zealand I am now standing on the top of another hill/mount with my husband overlooking the Mount. It was a spiritual experience for me and felt like a tangible moment with God. Life is new and different and He has placed me in a new place, with a new view, and with new people. Not at all what I expected or ever once dreamed of when I was walking up the Mount all those times, yet better than I could imagine. It was a gentle reminder of allowing God to move and shape your life. He is so gracious and gives us choices, but as I saw something beautiful as I stepped into what he had for me, in fact while running around the Mount one day last year I felt this quiet impression and invitation by Him to allow Him to love me the way He intended. In fear and tears I said yes...6 months later I met Sam and my life forever changed.

Funny how as we move into the things God invites you too they are rarely predictable and not often free of hardship, but always full of His Goodness...

And yes there are still sheep everywhere!!!!


Good bye for now!