Between.

Somewhere between faith and fear is where I've been this week. As a teeter totter goes up and down so has my soul. Waiting is never easy. Yet it's doable. Standing holding hope seems impossible some days. Yet it isn't. Thanking God when it seems like the carpets been ripped out from under you seems crazy. Yet it is life giving.

Between faith and fear is where I stood this week. True. But I think that while there was more fear than I hoped there was less fear than there used to be in similar situations. One day the teeter totter will be more totter (faith) then teeter(fear) but for now I feel thankful that my faith is growing. As much as I love comfort & security I love growing and feeling alive. Lest you think I'm super spiritual. I cried about 20 times this week, panicked, called friends in tears, skyped my parents totally fine & burst into tears (like a 16 year old hormonal girl!) and left Max's music class to whine to my best friend when she called me from America. Oh yeah & I told a customer service guy he was rude (which he was kind of rude, I think. Not quite sure since I was taking out a week of anger on him) and disciplined Max out of anger while he constantly kept screaming in an office we were having a meeting in this week. To which Max laughed harder the more mad I got. Brilliant.

As I end my week though this is true. Max is alive. God is faithful. I love my husband. We survived & even enjoyed yet another week in a hotel. I LOVE modern technology and iPhones! And God is paying attention in such a good mood towards us. Whew.

Teddy Bear Doctor

Oh. My. Goodness. What a fun morning we have had. Max & I saw flyers for the Teddy Bear Hospital and then learned about it at our story time at the library. Med students run a Hospital for teddy bears to lower kids anxiety about doctors & hospitals and also to give the students children interaction.

It was VERY cool! Max was so brave & loved getting to check his teddy near with Dr. Claire. She was wonderful with Max. Max showed her the sign for hurt and pointed to teddy's tummy, so together they checked teddy out. She let Max play with do much of her equipment and gave Max so much encouragement & confidence.

Later he was able to do activities like play dough & face painting and playing with bone models with doctors. Mac had such a great time interacting and even let one young doctor paint a ball on his face.

It was a spectacular day!

Off to the Teddy Bear Hospital we go!!

Max registering his Teddy Bear for the Hospital

Waiting in the waiting room for Teddy to be called

Dr. Claire checking out Teddy

Dr. Claire letting Max check out Teddy

Another Doctor just showed Max a skeleton hand.  Max was stoked.

A picture with Dr. Claire

Max was letting another doctor paint a ball on his face.

Dr. Claire letting Max check Teddy's heart.

Another doctor teach Max about sternum 

Dr. Claire teaching Max how to check Teddy's ears.

Dr. Claire showing Max his certificate.

More checking.

Max's and Teddy's certificate for Teddy Bear Hospital visit.

Boy Meets Girl :: adventure of a lifetime

Today was our three year anniversary. We laughed through tired looks at 1:00 am when Max woke up screaming & wouldn't settle. Life with kids. I'll be the first to admit that it's less romantic, tiring & frustrating BUT it's that "I wouldn't want it any other way" moment.

Our day was filled with swimming, Starbucks, and more house hunting. We ended our day with Pizza at "home" aka our hotel. We never ever get pizza so it was so fun. Picnics on the bed make me smile. Max makes me laugh. Hard. Sam makes me smile. A lot. Life isn't at all what I thought it would be from the moment I met Sam in a small cafe at the Mount. Living in the coldest part of NZ. Sam in pre med. Living in a hotel. With a 19 month old. Adventure with Sam has been full, exciting, faith building and full of surprises.

As we ate pizza on our bed I just couldn't feel more thankful. God knows you better than you know yourself. Thank goodness!!!

Visiting Daddy at University

Sam's classes are in the stadium here in Dunedin. It just fills me with joy to be around sports things (ironically since I never played sports. I SO wanted to be a cheerleader. I had the loud down but not rhythm or coordination!). So going to visit Daddy is always fun! Max loves it. One because it's where we went to the rugby game & he talks about rugby all the time. And two because they have the coolest high tech kid area.

Sam & him are playing on one of the touch screens he can do drawings on and even save if he wants. There are cool physic type toys and blocks & movies playing.

Max also went to Mainly Music today. He loved pretending to drive a truck with the plate but didn't love me taking his picture as you can see. My son seriously makes me laugh all day!

New Jammies are the BEST

Grammy & grandpa got Max new guitar jammies. He's pretty stoked about them! He's constantly pretending to play the guitar now. He makes his Pop Pop proud!

Rainy Day

Today was one of those "very bad no good days." It took me all day to accept us not getting a house to rent here we applied for this weekend. A battle to say the least! Thanks to the encouraging words of friends all day! I chose to trust that God was taking care of us but not ONE emotion agreed with that. Panic & fear were edging for my attention all day. Circumstances tried screaming at me each moment.

All day Max & I remembered the good things God has done in the past, specifically with houses. I mean really, we lived two blocks from the most popular beach in New Zealand!

It's funny how certain things can trigger fear. Everyone's triggers are different but this certainly is mine. But you know that feeling where whether you hide it internally or express it all over the place, it feels powerful! It's not. But tell me I'm not the only one that stresses out?!?!

Peace came. Unexplainable. Without trying. In a huge way. It finally came. I can see two specific things that might have just been God's protection and seeing something we didn't. Regardless, I know that God is good. Even when my emotions scream different I know. And let me tell you my emotions are as loud as an obnoxious American in a quiet country like NZ. *wink wink*

Today Max was FULL of sweetness with a dose of naughty thrown in to remind me he's 19 months. He constantly gave me kisses & even once stopped me and started praying. Bless his sweet soul. Lest you think I have the perfect son he hit me in the face and while discipling that he then hit me with a water bottle all while skyping my parents. Awesome.

He fell asleep on the way to music at the Library and missed our Starbucks date. Bummer for him it was our last gift certificate & I was going to buy him a cookie. Plus the Starbucks boy he has won over was so sad he was asleep. Careful my boy will steal your heart in three weeks or less!

He had a blast once I woke him for music. He kicked balls, played in bubbles, row row rowed his boat and threw balls all over.

We ended our day reading books, eating cookies & drinking hot chocolate. The best way to end a "rainy very bad no good" day that turned good!

Beach Afternoon

Max & I headed to a beach to look at houses. Let's just say "you get what you pay for." yikes it's rough pickings.

On a positive note, while the houses/area were awful the beach was great! Max was SO excited & squealed when he saw the beach. I love his passion for life & excitement for things he loves.