The Norm

In our little world three "normal" things happen every day...tons of feedings, tons of burps and tons of naps. I thought we should have some pictures to document the events in our life.

It may look like he isn't having fun but I promise you he is :)


This is right after a feeding and a diaper change.


The majority of poor Max's life seems to be in his swaddling blanket. Luckily our friend Sarah gave him this SUPER cute one :) Max loves his little bed and does semi okay with laying down for naps. Some days not so much, but we are learning together how to do this whole nap thing.


His stroller is a bassinet which is perfect for Mommy walks, but he also still sleeps in it most naps and each night.


The other "norm" which hasn't been so normal this week is a walk. The weather has been YUCKY :( We have a rain thing to go over the stroller but it is no fun for me when it's wet. I miss the walks and feel like I am going stir crazy not visiting my "friends" at all the shops by me. :) This week has had tons of rain and even been chilly a few days. I look at my kiwi friends and say, "Really? This is summer." One quick funny story. You all know how much I LOATHED winter here. Well this week I had to laugh when the main headline at Sam's paper was "Heat wave hits the Bay of Plenty." (Bay of Plenty is the name of the region we are in) It was 80 degrees people! I laughed so hard and laughed even harder when I talked to Sam's mom and she said she was SO hot and dying that day. And they said I complained about the cold and it wasn't even cold. PAH! Granted it was 97% humidity but c'mon it was sunny and warm! :)

I have to say I miss our little walks. I spent time browsing shops, being around people and even praying for some dear friends walking through some very hard things. I think it also helped my sanity a lot. I don't even need to talk to people, just being around them helps me get energy. Being home this last week and inside was not as fun. Funnily enough my friend Lisa just asked if people were homebodies or social butterflies. I actually LOVE being home but need a few outings in the day to not feel crazy, but LOVE LOVE LOVE being home at night with my little family. I wonder, though, if the older Max gets I will be fine being home all day. I just need interaction and I am perfectly content. I LOVE and ADORE Max but I am really looking forward to the next stages of more interaction. I think I haven't noticed how much of my time is feeding and sleeping Max because a lot of his sleeps were walks to the shops or the beach or around the Mount. I am not one of those moms that will be sad to see the first 6 weeks go by so fast. I am SO looking forward to watching Max grow and change. His smiles make me smile and I cannot wait until I hear his first laugh!!

What A Day

We have had to make some hard decisions that weren't necessarily hard as much as hard for those that it affected. People pleasing has reared it's head again for me. Sam's aunt from America (married to his uncle who is Kiwi) has Whooping Cough. Poor thing! She got it before they were due to leave for their vacation to NZ. They hadn't been back in over 2 years and all the family was very much anticipating this trip, us included! She had antibiotics and had one round left once she got her last week. (Evidently you get two rounds to aggressively get rid of the disease)

We didn't know much about whooping cough but knew to ask the professionals. Our midwife and the plunket nurses both said a very non hesitant, "Not at all around Max. He is too little and it is TOO dangerous to mess with it." The family was up in Auckland and wasn't due down to the Mount until Christmas Eve. His aunt has been SO amazing through it all and said while she wasn't infectious she was more than happy to not come down here for the family Christmas.

The other bummer is that Sam's family went up to see them and spent time with them. That then led us to decide until everyone that had seen her gets through the incubation period (4-10 days) where the disease can be inside and not yet active, will need to stay away from Max until the 10 days is up. BUMMER! Plus Gracie, who has yet to meet Max because of being away at college, saw her recently before we were able to tell her. So everyone will be clear on Christmas Eve and we aren't going over until Christmas day. It was interesting that people pleasing was thrown out the window for me...at first. I was able to quickly make the decision with Sam and knew that even if his family was mad or thought we were over protective or crazy it didn't matter because our job is to protect Max.

Like I said, "at first." I was worn down at the disappointment I heard. I stood my ground but second guessed myself TONS. I could feel all my tendencies to make everyone happy (and be the likable one with no one mad at her) rise to the surface, all the while knowing cognitively what the best thing was. Interesting to see emotion fight with logic. I am still growing and had to work through this for a bit. Growth is a process and I wanted it to be instant! Funny that people pleasing can come back so strong, and while the decision didn't change the guilt was huge!

Letting go of other's disappointment (which I knew of course was the only thing driving the repeat phone calls and requests) was not instantaneous for me. I tried to not let the emotion get the best of me and also tried to use some of the techniques that I learned in counseling this year. One being to be a little easier on myself that this is a process and while I am struggling with it I am still making the right decision and it is just emotion.

I talked with the Plunket hot line and the midwife again today, just to check and make sure I wasn't being overly paranoid and setting too strong of a boundary. They said the same thing, as mom's and medical professionals. While I wanted to be SO strong and let my decision stand it felt good to be reassured that I wasn't crazy and it is okay for family to be upset and even, HEAVEN FORBID, disagree with me and judge my decision. I ABSOLUTELY know it's all in love for Max, but it didn't make it easier.

I hung up the phone feeling quite centered again and reassured we were making the right decision. I so wished I didn't need to hear from the midwife and plunket hot line and could just be strong in my decision, but I just am not there. Growing, but not quite there. As I hung up the phone I started feeling empowered and weird at the same time. I felt a little achy and THEN the shakes and freezing feeling started!!!!

UGH! Round #3. Of what you ask? INFECTION! (mastitis) I now have had Mastitis 3 times in 6 weeks. What in the world?!

I text the midwife back once again and let her know what was going on. She quickly called me (Man I am going to miss her! Her last day with Max and I is next Tuesday then I am with plunket full time) and said lets get this taken care of then talk about other options. Breast feeding just might not work with my body. I took something similar to Tylenol to break the fever and shakes and then Tom went and got my perscription because Sam was working. By the time Tom got there I was better and not shaking or feverish. She gave me two things this time and next week we will reassess what I need to do for me and Max.

BUMMER to have this again. What a day! I'm on the road to feeling better now and will feel 100% tomorrow. I tried to approach both these situations without too much emotion and "poor me." It happens, life happens and I can choose what I do with it. While I have said that for years I am actually getting better at practicing that in the mist of hard things....it sounds so right and easy when things aren't hard or pressing on my insecurities, huh?

The first 6 weeks of Max's life has been wonderful but I am definitely ready to enter the new stages. He is precious and I love the smiles and love the newness of each day, but also look forward to getting a little more sorted out and having him be a little more sorted in the midst of all the sickness and having to change so much. I look forward to him interacting a bit more and watching him grow in the next few months. I always tell myself, "Tomorrow is a new day. We can restart then." Glad for that! And glad today is almost over!!

Friends

Now those of you who know me well might be wondering....is she going to blog about the TV Show Friends??? Unfortunately no. I won't tell you that I watch Friends (seeing I have ALL the seasons it makes it easy) during a lot of my feedings...and I am on season 9 already! The kid is 5 weeks old!! I know, I know, I have a problem. But it makes me laugh still every time!

Really I just had to take a second to post about friends and friendship. I reconnected with a very dear friend from childhood. We grew up at the same church and spent such good times through out high school and college together. She is actually the one that put the seed in my head for working at the church I interned at in Chicago (where she went while she was in college). Once while I was flying to the East Coast I had a layover in Chicago and ended up stuck there due to plane problems...issue was they had all of our luggage. I had to spend the night there with NOTHING because I checked all my luggage. She brought me a change of clothes and all the necessities :)

We found each other on Facebook, of course, and I recently spent all my free "nap" time catching up on her blog over the last few years. This is exactly why I do love Facebook.



Our parents still live in our hometown and go our home church, yet we rarely run into each other when we are home for the holidays or vacations. And even if we did there would be no way a 5 minute chat after a Christmas Eve service would be sufficient for a good catch up. Yet, Facebook seems to be the place where friends can catch up, express their life's happenings, post up to date pictures, vent, share TOO much information and of course find each other.

Reading through Amy's blog it felt like no times had passed at all and that we were sitting in her parent's back yard by her pool chatting. Funny how friendships are like that. I by no means have done friendship perfect through the years!! I have hurt people's feelings, been insensitive, left people out and just been a ditz sometimes, but I have tried my best to be a good friend with honest intentions. Why? I love friendship! It is the most unique unexplainable most wonderful gift in the world. It's hard, takes work and sometimes makes you cry and the best ones make you LAUGH and become effortless and life giving. Friendship for me has been a gift in seasons when nothing else made sense. God has blessed me BEYOND COMPREHENSION with friends in my life and I don't tell the people in my life often enough how thankful I am or how often I think of them throughout my week.

Even far away this last year or so I have come to cherish my friends, the life long friends, the far away friends, the friends that I knew for a year and then moved away, the friends that I went to college with and now just stalk (...or follow :) on Facebook. I watched the Facebook movie, Social Network, last night and was amazed at the story albeit it partly/mostly fiction it still fascinated me how quickly people caught on to this phenomenon. Facebook can be a bad thing--a time waster, a work distractor, a place for people to feel left out or get their feelings hurt--but for me it's fun, it's catching up on friends that I love to hear about but would NOT have the time to keep up with over email, it's a place to LAUGH at funny posts and smile at cute new pictures. It's a place where friendships can happen, and any place that makes that possible is a GOOD THING!

Summer Time

Summer is trying to come to NZ, but there is a lot of rain with summer so far. Max and I did walk around the Mount for the first time on Sunday. He had a good sleep and I got a good walk. I also realized that in the "harsh NZ sun" I need to get the bubby a hat.



It's a little big :) But it will help when we have him in the sun. Sam laughed at me that I got it for Max and said it looked more like a sombrero. I am not sure he liked it but it's cute and will protect him this summer.

We haven't blogged for awhile because Sam got sick AGAIN!!!! UGH! 5 weeks of Max's life and 4 of them one of has been sick. Plus the bubbs has had a hard time the last week. They gave me something so I wouldn't have to top up Max with formula but that makes him GULP when he nurses. SUCH A BOY! That in turns gives his little tummy gas.



I couldn't figure out why he was crying in his naps ALL the time, so I called the midwife and she helped me with some ideas. Poor little guy! He's doing a little better but it is just figuring it out. It was a rough two days for me, then I got some perspective because we hadn't had any crying days with him at all! He was still sleeping at night too, so after my little complaining melt down I regrouped and was just thankful to have this sweet boy at home. I again was SO thankful for the midwife process here. She has been so wonderful and knowledgeable for me, and today the Plunket nurse came for the first time. What a great blessing it is too have both of these services helping us figure things out and encourage us. Plus they come to you! WOO HOO! The crying and uncertainty was a bummer, but even in it Max continues to amaze us.

I struggle with living in the moment ALL THE TIME. I know that is part of my personality. I esepcially knew this when I told Sam I do this and need his help not doing this with Max. His response, "With just Max?! You do this all the time." :) Wheatever! So he knows me well, but I really am working on not missing the moments. I love to dream and look forward to things. There is just something about waiting and hoping for something that stirs me! Even when it is a painful wait there is something sick inside me that loves that place! Maybe because such sweet things happen between me and God in those moments, maybe it is the memory of waiting for things that came true and the feeling that was unexplainable when it did come true, maybe I am just crazy! Perhaps it is a little of all of those :) The downside of dreaming and loving to look forward for me at times is missing the all important "moment."

I love the process of being transformed. HOLD ON! I don't actually like it most of the time, in fact if I re read this blog I see how much I DO NOT LIKE IT! But there are moments of memory loss of the pain of transformation when I do kind of sort of like it. Every mom friend I know talks about their children changing them and God using those sweet little miracles of love to make them better more loving people. Even in these short 5 weeks I feel that and LOVE that! At Starbucks yesterday I was chatting with a lady while we waited for our drinks (of course I was...different country, same Dana), and she said something that was just so LOUD in my ears, "Being a mom is the greatest thing ever." I wasn't frustrated or tired or burnt out that day but there was something about watching someone so passionately declare something. It made me smile to be counted among the "moms" of this world. Mother's hearts are given from God and take all forms. Sometimes it is with children and sometimes it is with those that you invest in like children. I long to have a mother's heart to my children and others. And ABSOLUTLEY agree with this lovely mom in Starbucks that there is nothing like being a mom no matter what type of mom you are in this world. What a treasure to be a speaker of hope, truth, dreams and love into souls. That is the invitation and heart of mother, regardless of who they are mothering.

One Month Smiles

Maximillian was one month yesterday :) He started smiling this week too which has been pretty fun! He is changing daily still and growing like CRAZY! He was 7 pounds 10 ounces last week and tonight when the midwife came he was 8 pounds 7 1/2 ounces!!! He's clearly doing fine and eating plenty!!





Here is a few smiles that I caught with my phone yesterday

Sam also took some Sam Type photos. Sam is so good at documenting and making sure that we have moments of the bubby.


Such a serious bloke



Sam was making him giggle then taking the picture



Waiting on his changing table watching Daddy take his picture. He is quite fascinated by the click of Sam's camera



Momma and Max

Silence

It's funny how silence is experienced. Sometimes silence is SOOOO nice after tons of noise and stimulation. Other times silence can be deafening and down right scary. Silence can sometimes be golden as your little baby finally settles himself and heads off to slumber land. This week we experienced silence that comes with sadness and grief.

29 miners were trapped in a mine 2 weeks ago after a huge explosion. I found myself glued to the TV every time there was an update and news conference. As I watched I cried most days and vacillated between hope and despair with the nation as we waited with the families to see if we can get them out. After another explosion 5 or 6 days into them being trapped it was declared that there was no hope left. UGH! What a horrible reality. Though, most of the nation deep in their hearts knew that this might be the case as the days wore on it was still so final to hear. The CEO of the company was unbelievablly engaging to watch. His composure, love, compassion, and professionalism made it impossible for me to take my eyes off the TV as he spoke. This Thursday was the Memorial service and the Prime Minister asked us all to observe 2 minutes of silence as a nation at the beginning of the service. For the most part the entire nation stopped for two minutes, people in shopping malls stopped, work ceased, schools paused...it was just silence for respect for the 29 men and their families.

Being home with Maximillian this first month is of course FULL OF MEMORIES, but this one struck me different. Grief is such an intriguing process for me to watch and experience. I sat so many days feeding Max as I watched this grief unfold for the nation. Maybe the strong connection was because it helped me feel more a part of New Zealand. I found myself saying, "We had a tragedy" versus NZ had a tragedy. The silence with Max has been so good for me to experience. I have loved slowing down and just enjoying this season of life. This experience helped me connect more with not just Kiwi's but with humanity in general. I found myself in conversations with people that God had seemingly orchestrated. I felt honored and humbled this week as I sat talking to people that shared parts of their heart. Life came full circle for me this week a little bit. I sat this week sharing my heart and my past experiences in life and with God. As I was talking to a very sweet young girl one afternoon, I was feeding Max and listening to her heart and fears about depression and grief and I was able to share my experiences. I prayed that God would use me to bring hope and to be a listener. While sitting there I was overwhelmed with what God has done in my life. Not only am I ministering to a young girl with my own journey of fear of pain, but I was holding my baby boy. I can remember so many nights crying and thinking (as warped as this is it's true) I will never have a family but always "just" minister to others. SERIOUSLY?! I know it sounds warped but that is the honest truth, the thing I LOVED, ministering to others, seemed to be the thing I thought would be the only good thing God would ever give me. WHAT A JOURNEY THIS LAST 3 YEARS HAS BEEN!!!

In 2008 when I first stepped foot in NZ I watched God take my heart and teach me about His goodness on a whole new level. He took some of my warped theology and taught me about Him and His love. This last two years being married and now having Max has been a journey that I would never trade. God taught me about His love in tangible ways through Sam and having Max, but more poignantly He taught me about His love in silent moments. Sometimes those moments were filled with conflict and grief and pain, sometimes they were simple with no one around and no glamour. This last year we haven't found a church we connect in and while I have listened to podcast and have spiritual community I wondered if I would really grow outside of church walls. Yet I have learned more about God, ministry, His heart, people, His vision for the world and even theology...more so than any other season of my life. While I don't advocate not going to church AT ALL, and look forward to some new opportunities we have in the new year, I do see that God has used this season out of "Sunday morning church" and working in a church to do some much needed repairing of my theology, mind and heart.

Silence is where most of this took place. Silence is where I struggled and fought and lived for awhile. Silence is where I saw joy, intimacy and hope in such vivid ways. Silence has meant so many different things to me over the years, but in Max's first month the word silence holds a very special meaning.

Here is tangible silence

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

Yesterday we went and got our Christmas Tree. Not sure Max knew what was going on but it was sure fun to go as a family.


Max was snoozing on the way to the trees and the whole tree experience.

Evidently I have been doing my picture captions wrong. I kind of knew this, but to me it made sense to read about it then look at the picture. The difference between Sam and I is I LOVE words and he LOVES photos. Don't get me wrong I love photos too but I love words and using them to capture a moment. When there is a caption on a picture you should put it under not above the picture. I am going to give it a try and see if I can be more picture/photo "politically correct" :)


In the mass of Christmas tress SO HAPPY


Daddy and his boy


Momma with her little man




Cuttin' down our tree!


Family FUN DAY


Trying to get the tree back to the Mount....Sam was AMAZING and SOOOO very patient!

Once we got home I started decorating the tree while Max slept and Sam watched a documentary. It was fun to decorate even though it was hot! Only in the Southern Hemisphere do you pick out a tree, end up sweating and blast the AC on the way home :)


The tree this year is going to be in all white. I want to get a few more things but I thought a sneak peak would be fun




With all the lights off!